First of all let me wish you all in beforehand HAPPY VALENTINES DAY. Feb-14, the valentines day, is dedicated to all those who keeps love in life and mind irrespective of culture, religion, sex and age. Love is one of the most wonderful gift given by god. There are only very few human beings who has not felt the feeling of love to anyone or anything. Every human being is blessed with this gift.
The feeling of love makes you happy, it makes our life worthy, without love our life is meaningless. Love has no age, no religion, no caste etc, it just blooms in our mind.
Though we cannot give a clear cut definition to love, it's a game of of our mind. The word love has got a range of meanings from 'something that gives a little pleasure to something one would die for. It can describe an intense feeling of affection or an emotional state. Let me tell about a love story, based on which the valentines day is celebrated.
The origin of Valentine's Day is from St. Valentine, a Roman who was martyred for refusing to give up Christianity. He died on February 14, 269 A.D., the same day that had been devoted to 'love'-the most beautiful feeling given to humans. St. Valentine left a farewell note for the jailer's daughter, who had become his friend, and signed it "From Your Valentine". Other aspects of the story say that Saint Valentine served as a priest at a temple during the reign of Emperor Claudius. Claudius then had Valentine jailed for defying him. In 496 A.D. Pope Gelasius set aside February 14 to honor St. Valentine.
Gradually, February 14 became the date for exchanging love messages and St. Valentine became the patron saint of lovers. The date was marked by sending messages and simple gifts like flowers.
Years ago in Rome, the lives of young boys and girls were strictly separate. However, one of the customs of the young people was name drawing. On the eve of the festival of Lupercalia the names of Roman girls were written on pieces of paper and put into a box. Each young man would draw a girl's name from the box and then, they would be partners for the duration of the festival. Sometimes the pairing lasted for an entire year, and often, they would fall in love and would later marry.Under the rule of Emperor Claudius II Rome was involved in many bloody and unpopular campaigns. Claudius the Cruel was having a difficult time getting soldiers to join his military. He believed that the reason was that roman men did not want to leave their lovers or families. As a result, Claudius canceled all marriages and engagements in Rome. The good Saint Valentine was a priest at Rome in the days of Claudius II. He and Saint Marius aided the Christian martyrs and secretly married, and for this kind deed, Saint Valentine was apprehended and dragged before the Prefect of Rome, who condemned him to be beaten to death with clubs and to have his head cut off.
He suffered martyrdom on the 14th day of February, about the year 270. At that time it was the custom in Rome, a very ancient custom, indeed, to celebrate in the month of February the Lupercalia, feasts in honor of a heathen god. On these occasions, amidst a variety of pagan ceremonies, the names of young women were placed in a box, from which they were drawn by the men as chance direct
ed.
The pastors of the early Christian Church in Rome endeavored to do away with the pagan element in these feasts by substituting the names of saints for those of maidens. And as the Lupercalia began about the middle of February, the pastors appear to have chosen Saint Valentine's Day for th e celebration of this new feast. So it seems that the custom of young men choosing maidens for valentines, or saints as patrons for the coming year, arose in this way...
It's our second valentines day celebration in our college. The first one was really wonderful. And our Sami got a wonderful gift:) Three more valentines day (sadly)in our college life, and let it be more wonderful.:)
ciao-
Bristow
Posts
41 comments:
:)
Good entry.. This valentines day will be more colourfull, I guess..
Could've written the whole body of the post with red, the color of love.
"It's our second valentines day celebration in our college. The first one was really wonderful." -- wonderful for whom???
Enthada ithu. Last time wé célébratée valentine as black day remember. Kootathil chavitti. Now you supportin it. Reason?:) hope it has not entered your brain to love anyone. Cos its a bad feeling renderin men helpless and lose their dignity.. So beware.
Devidas
@hailstone
Thank you, for the appreciation...
.k I'll change it to red, I just thought of writing in a different color, didn't think of red, good suggestion...
wonderful for whom? should I remind you dear...?:) It was just another day for me... :) nothing special...
@devi
Ayyo I'm not a koottathil chavitty... yes I remember, we all wore black shirt and trousers, but it was not for any special reason, we just put so na???? I'm always a supporter of love dear, till my last breath:)
And it's totally absurd to think that love is a bad feeling. Though in some cases, as you said, it render men helpless and lose their dignity, but it's not true in all cases.
Love has made many lives fruitful. Love made many people back to there life. And it's so sad to hear from you that love's bad. You too love 'a' girl na???:) And how can you say love is a bad feeling???
Anyway I don't think so...
And definitely it's in my brain...
cool entry..
as this blog describes, love is there in each and every human being;s mind, to someone , something, somewhere.. even the terrorists love Allah the Almighty, for they are doin IT for his sake....
so I really cudnt get wat Devi meant to clear...
and a special thanks to bristow :) , for this valentine's day would be the first one of its kind for me.... HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY to all....
ya, why not , we shall wear the same black attire this time also... ??
hey nice post
never knew that such events took place in ancient world
well love actually happens.
lets see who is lucky this time.....
i can see some people WAITING IMPATIENTLY FOR THE DAY.
REGARDS
@rohith
I'm really happy to hear from you this...:)
now you too felt so na...(about love), athanu, some people understands the taste of honey only after touching it on their tongue...:) And what devi said is just the usual chori...:)(no offense meant)...We all know he too 've love in his mind...:)
And you gonna be the paramount of this valentines daaaaaaayyyyy...:)
you 'll be the star of this valentines day, chelove venam moneeeee...
And once again "HAPPY VALENTINES DAY"...
@RAMAN
It's all just stories...don't know whether it's true or not...
ya really ,love actually happens...
And wish you a happy valentines day...:)
@Rohith
Mone kutta ee valentines day kku black n black nte avishyam illa ... you just wear white n white or red shirt and white pants...k...:) We pavam people may wear black n black...
@ Rohith,
A special 'Valentines day wishes' to you, dear..
Convey our regards and wishes to your cutie too.. Pinne, as Bristow said, enikkum venam treat!!..
@ Bristow,
"some people understands the taste of honey only after touching it on their tongue...:)" -- :)
Pinne kettittille... 'kettathu maduram, kelkkathathu maduratharam' ennu - MAY be true in this case also.. This 'love' may be sweeter for us(we paavangal :)).. Dont know!!
Read about some 'pavangal' in the comments.
How can they call themselves 'pavangal'?
"ellam njangalkkariyam ketto"
And we all are not 'pottans'........
@primofacto
No need to where black and black this time to hide everything from others.....
puspan veendun pushpikkan thudangi..
guess u don want nother black valantines day... making plans uh?
Nice post,got to learn some history from that.
Anyways valentines day is more of a kind of show off, its a way the card companies have found to do business.
If u love someone ,you don't need some special day in memory of some "Valentine" for that.we're not hatching eggs throughout the year waiting for this day. we've got anniversaries n b'days n lot of other days to express our love . in fact many people see this day as a day for eve-teasing or harassing girls. Everyday is a lovely day n love is always in the air . Keep your eyes and heart open n you will see the difference.
Love is God and it demands respect
"not only on Valentine's day".
Cupid
@ Anonym1
dear anonym, so you know everything, if you have any doubts please contact me, my phone number is 9895975494...k
And let me decide whether to 'WHERE' black n black.
And about you are all pottans, after reading your comment, I dont think you are a not POTTAN...
@Ej
poda it's not pushpickal...
it's real love:)
no black valentines day, it'll be a red one...
@Cupid
Thank you for the compliment...:)
I dont think Valentines day 's just a showoff. Just said my point of view, and I'm not interested to argue about this topic:)
@ primofacto
Cool replies to the comments yaar... U hav kept up ur humor sense very nicely...
@ hailstone
"take care of ur words, because samayam aavumbol ella goalukalum ninte valayil thanne veezhum.. nokikko...... "
@ cupid
yeah what u said is absolutely true, though this is another kinda day and not like a New Year day or a Christmas Day.
Think of International Women's Day or say Mother's Day or so.. u can feel the difference right? In the second category, the essence of the 'thing' is felt throughout the year, though a day in the calendar has been specially dedicated for that....
and yeah I shall consider giving u people a treat ( confidential ).. Well juz praying to god everything turns out well in my life, everything goes smooth and sound as it is now
@Rohith
Thank you dear...
Don't worry it 'll go as smooth as riding a mercedes benz through a calm and quiet road...:)
And consider our treat as soon as possible.k...
@ priya
കണ്ടത് മനോഹരം,കാണാത്തത് അതിമനോഹരം' എന്നല്ലേ?
The word love has many different meanings in English, from something that gives a little pleasure ("I loved that meal") to something one would die for (ideals, family). It can describe an intense feeling of affection, an emotion or an emotional state. In ordinary use, it usually refers to interpersonal love. Probably due to its psychological relevance, love is one of the most common themes in art and music.
Just as there are many types of lovers, there are many kinds of love. Though love is inherent in all human cultures, cultural differences make any universal definition difficult to establish.[1] One definition attempting to be universally applicable is Thomas Jay Oord's: to love is to act intentionally, in sympathetic response to others, to promote overall well-being. This definition applies to the positive connotations of love.
Expressions of love may include the love for a "soul" or mind, the love of laws and organizations, love for a body, love for nature, love of food, love of money, love for learning, love of power, love of fame, love for the respect of others, etcetera. Different people place varying degrees of importance on the kinds of love they receive. According to many philosophers, the only goal of life is to be happy. And there is only one happiness in life: to love and be loved. Love is essentially an abstract concept, much easier to experience than to explain.
Emotions
Basic
Anger
Fear
Sadness
Happiness
Disgust
Surprise
Wonder
Others
Acceptance
Affection
Aggression
Ambivalence
Apathy
Anxiety
Boredom
Compassion
Confusion
Contempt
Depression
Doubt
Ecstasy
Empathy
Envy
Embarrassment
Euphoria
Forgiveness
Frustration
Gratitude
Grief
Guilt
Hatred
Hope
Horror
Hostility
Homesickness
Hunger
Hysteria
Interest
Loneliness
Love
Paranoia
Pity
Pleasure
Pride
Rage
Regret
Remorse
Shame
Suffering
Sympathy
v • d • e
Interpersonal love refers to love between human beings. It is a more potent sentiment than a simple liking for another. Unrequited love refers to those feelings of love which are not reciprocated. Interpersonal love is most closely associated with interpersonal relationships. Such love might exist between family members, friends, and couples. There are also a number of psychological disorders related to love, such as erotomania.
Some feelings that are often associated with interpersonal love:
* Affection: feelings of tenderness and/or wanting physical closeness
* Attachment: satisfying basic emotional needs
* Altruism: selfless or unselfish concern for another
* Reciprocation: if love is mutual
* Commitment: a desire to maintain love
* Emotional intimacy: sharing emotions and feelings
* Friendship: the spirit between friends
* Kinship: family bonds
* Passion: whole-hearted desire
* Physical intimacy: sharing of intimate personal space
* Self-interest: desiring rewards
* Service: desire to help
Sexuality can be an important element in determining the shape of a relationship. While sexual attraction often establishes a new bond, sexual intention is considered undesirable or inappropriate in certain love bonds. In many religions and systems of ethics it is considered wrong to act on sexual desire for immediate family, for children, or outside of a committed relationship. However, there are many ways to express passionate love without sex. Affection, emotional intimacy and shared interests and experiences are common in friendships and kinships of all human beings.
Impersonal love
A person can be said to love a country, principle, or goal if they value it greatly and are deeply committed to it. Similarly, compassionate outreach and volunteer workers' 'love' of their cause may be borne not of interpersonal love, but impersonal love coupled with altruism and strong political convictions. People can also 'love' material objects, animals, or activities if they invest themselves in bonding their identity with that item. In these cases, if sexual passion is actually felt, is called paraphilia.[2]
Scientific views
Main article: Love (scientific views)
Throughout history, philosophy and religion have done the most speculation on the phenomenon of love. In the last century, the science of psychology has written a great deal on the subject. In recent years, the sciences of evolutionary psychology, evolutionary biology, anthropology, neuroscience, and biology have added to the understanding of the nature and function of love.
Chemistry of love
Biological models of sex tend to view love as a mammalian drive, much like hunger or thirst.[3] Helen Fisher, a leading expert in the topic of love, divides the experience of love into three partly-overlapping stages: lust, attraction, and attachment. Lust exposes people to others, romantic attraction encourages people to focus their energy on mating, and attachment involves tolerating the spouse long enough to rear a child into infancy.
Lust is the initial passionate sexual desire that promotes mating, and involves the increased release of chemicals such as testosterone and estrogen. These effects rarely last more than a few weeks or months. Attraction is the more individualized and romantic desire for a specific candidate for mating, which develops out of lust as commitment to an individual mate forms. Recent studies in neuroscience have indicated that as people fall in love, the brain consistently releases a certain set of chemicals, including pheromones, dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin, which act similar to amphetamines, stimulating the brain's pleasure center and leading to side-effects such as an increased heart rate, loss of appetite and sleep, and an intense feeling of excitement. Research has indicated that this stage generally lasts from one and a half to three years.[4]
Since the lust and attraction stages are both considered temporary, a third stage is needed to account for long-term relationships. Attachment is the bonding which promotes relationships that last for many years, and even decades. Attachment is generally based on commitments such as marriage and children, or on mutual friendship based on things like shared interests. It has been linked to higher levels of the chemicals oxytocin and vasopressin than short-term relationships have.[4]
In 2005, Italian scientists at Pavia University found that a protein molecule known as the nerve growth factor (NGF) has high levels when people first fall in love, but these levels return to as they were after one year. Specifically, four neurotrophin levels, i.e. NGF, BDNF, NT-3, and NT-4, of 58 subjects who had recently fallen in love were compared with levels in a control group who were either single or already engaged in a long-term relationship. The results showed that NGF levels were significantly higher in the subjects in love than as compared to either of the control groups.[5]
Psychology of love
Further information: Human bonding
Psychology depicts love as a cognitive and social phenomenon. Psychologist Robert Sternberg formulated a triangular theory of love and argued that love has three different components: intimacy, commitment, and passion. Intimacy is a form by which two people can share secrets and various details of their personal lives. Intimacy is usually shown in friendships and romantic love affairs. Commitment, on the other hand, is the expectation that the relationship is going to last forever. The last and most common form of love is sexual attraction and passion. Passionate love is shown in infatuation as well as romantic love.
Following developments in electrical theories, such as Coulomb's law, which showed that positive and negative charges attract, analogs in human life were developed, such as "opposites attract". Over the last century, research on the nature of human mating has generally found this not to be true when it comes to character and personality; people tend to like people like themselves. However, in a few unusual and specific domains, such as immune systems, it seems that humans prefer others who are unlike themselves (e.g. with an orthogonal immune system), since this will lead to a baby which has the best of both worlds.[6] In recent years, various human bonding theories have been developed described in terms of attachments, ties, bonds, and affinities.
Some Western authorities disaggregate into two main components, the altruistic and the narcissistic. This view is represented in the works of Scott Peck, whose works in the field of applied psychology explored the definitions of love and evil. Peck maintains that love is a combination of the "concern for the spiritual growth of another", and simple narcissism.[7] In combination, love is an activity, not simply a feeling.
Scientific models
Biological models of love tend to see it as a mammalian drive, just like hunger or thirst. Psychology sees love as more of a social and cultural phenomenon. There are probably elements of truth in both views — certainly love is influenced by hormones (such as oxytocin), neurotrophins (such as NGF), and pheromones, and how people think and behave in love is influenced by their conceptions of love.
The conventional view in biology is that there are two major drives in love — sexual attraction and attachment. Attachment between adults is presumed to work on the same principles that lead an infant to become attached to its mother. The traditional psychological view sees love as being a combination of companionate love and passionate love. Passionate love is intense longing, and is often accompanied by physiological arousal (shortness of breath, rapid heart rate). Companionate love is affection and a feeling of intimacy not accompanied by physiological arousal.
Sternberg's Triangular Theory of Love
Main article: triangular theory of love
In the triangular theory of love, love is characterized by three elements: intimacy, passion and commitment. Each of these elements can be present in a relationship, producing the following combinations:
* Liking or friendship (intimacy)
* Infatuation or limerence (passion)
* Empty love (commitment)
* Romantic love (intimacy+passion)
* Companionate love (intimacy+commitment)
* Fatuous love (passion+commitment)
* Consummate love (intimacy+passion+commitment)
Love styles
Susan Hendrick and Clyde Hendrick developed a Loves Attitude Scale based on John Alan Lee's theory called Love styles. Lee identified six basic theories that people use in their interpersonal relationships:
* Eros (love) — a passionate physical love based on physical appearance
* Ludus — love is played as a game; love is playful
* Storge — an affectionate love that slowly develops, based on similarity
* Pragma — pragmatic love
* Mania — highly emotional love; unstable; the stereotype of romantic love
* Agape — selfless altruistic love; spiritual
Hendrick and Hendrick found men tend to be more ludic and manic, whereas women tend to be storgic and pragmatic. Relationships based on similar love styles were found to last longer. In 2007, researchers from the University of Pavia led by Dr Enzo Emanuele have provided evidence of a genetic basis for individual variations in Lee's loving styles, with Eros being linked to the dopamine system and Mania to the serotonin system[8]
Love, infatuation, and insanity
"Sacred Love versus Profane Love" by Giovanni Baglione
"Sacred Love versus Profane Love" by Giovanni Baglione
Studies have shown that brain scans of those in infatuated by love display a resemblance to those with a mental illness. Love creates activity in the same area of the brain that hunger, thirst, and drug cravings create activity in. New love, therefore, could possibly be more physical than emotional. Over time, this reaction to love mellows, and different areas of the brain are activated, primarily ones involving long-term commitments. Dr. Andrew Newberg, a neuroscientist, suggests that this reaction to love is so similar to that of drugs because without love, humanity would die out.
Cultural views
Chinese
In contemporary Chinese language and culture, several terms or root words are used for the concept of "love":
* Ai (愛) is used as a verb (e.g. Wo ai ni, "I love you") or as a noun, especially in aiqing (愛情), "love" or "romance." In mainland China since 1949, airen (愛人, originally "lover," or more literally, "love person") is the dominant word for "spouse" (with separate terms for "wife" and "husband" originally being de-emphasized); the word once had a negative connotation, which it retains among many on Taiwan.
* Lian (戀) is not generally used alone, but instead as part of such terms as "being in love" (談戀愛, tan lian'ai—also containing ai), "lover" (戀人, lianren) or "homosexuality" (同性戀, tongxinglian).
* Qing (情), commonly meaning "feeling" or "emotion," often indicates "love" in several terms. It is contained in the word aiqing (愛情); qingren (情人) is a term for "lover".
In Confucianism, lian is a virtuous benevolent love. Lian should be pursued by all human beings, and reflects a moral life. The Chinese philosopher Mozi developed the concept of ai (愛) in reaction to Confucian lian. Ai, in Mohism, is universal love towards all beings, not just towards friends or family, without regard to reciprocation. Extravagance and offensive war are inimical to ai. Although Mozi's thought was influential, the Confucian lian is how most Chinese conceive of love.
Gănqíng (感情), the feeling of a relationship. A person will express love by building good gănqíng, accomplished through helping or working for another. Emotional attachment toward another person or anything.
Yuanfen (緣份) is a connection of bound destinies. A meaningful relationship is often conceived of as dependent strong yuanfen. It is very similar to serendipity. A similar conceptualization in English is, "They were made for each other," "fate," or "destiny".
Zaolian (Simplified: 早恋, Traditional: 早戀, pinyin: zǎoliàn), literally, "early love," is a contemporary term in frequent use for romantic feelings or attachments among children or adolescents. Zaolian describes both relationships among a teenaged boyfriend and girlfriend, as well as the "crushes" of early adolescence or childhood. The concept essentially indicates a prevalent belief in contemporary Chinese culture that due to the demands of their studies (especially true in the highly competitive educational system of China), youth should not form romantic attachments lest their jeopardize their chances for success in the future. Reports have appeared in Chinese newspapers and other media detailing the prevalence of the phenomenon and its perceived dangers to students and the fears of parents.
Japanese
In Japanese Buddhism, ai (愛) is passionate caring love, and a fundamental desire. It can develop towards either selfishness or selflessness and enlightenment.
Amae (甘え), a Japanese word meaning "indulgent dependence", is part of the child-rearing culture of Japan. Japanese mothers are expected to hug and indulge their children, and children are expected to reward their mothers by clinging and serving. Some sociologists have suggested that Japanese social interactions in later life are modeled on the mother-child amae.
Ancient Greek
Greek distinguishes several different senses in which the word love is used. For example, ancient Greek has the words philia, eros, agape, storge and xenia. However, with Greek as with many other languages, it has been historically difficult to separate the meanings of these words totally. At the same time the ancient Greek text of the Bible has examples of the verb agapo being used with the same meaning as phileo.
Agape (ἀγάπη agápē) means love in modern day Greek. The term s'agapo means I love you in Greek. The word agapo is the verb I love. It generally refers to a "pure", ideal type of love rather than the physical attraction suggested by eros. However, there are some examples of agape used to mean the same as eros. It has also been translated as "love of the soul".
Eros (ἔρως érōs) is passionate love, with sensual desire and longing. The Greek word erota means in love. Plato refined his own definition. Although eros is initially felt for a person, with contemplation it becomes an appreciation of the beauty within that person, or even becomes appreciation of beauty itself. Eros helps the soul recall knowledge of beauty, and contributes to an understanding of spiritual truth. Lovers and philosophers are all inspired to seek truth by eros. Some translations list it as "love of the body".
Philia (φιλία philía), a dispassionate virtuous love, was a concept developed by Aristotle. It includes loyalty to friends, family, and community, and requires virtue, equality and familiarity. Philia is motivated by practical reasons; one or both of the parties benefit from the relationship. Can also mean "love of the mind".
Storge (στοργή storgē) is natural affection, like that felt by parents for offspring.
Xenia (ξενία xenía), hospitality, was an extremely important practice in ancient Greece. It was an almost ritualized friendship formed between a host and their guest, who could previously be strangers. The host fed and provided quarters for the guest, who was only expected to repay with gratitude. The importance of this can be seen throughout Greek mythology, in particular Homer's Iliad and Odyssey.
Ancient Roman (Latin)
The Latin language has several different verbs corresponding to the English word 'love'.
Amare is the basic word for to love, as it still is in Italian today. The Romans used it both in an affectionate sense, as well as in a romantic or sexual sense. From this verb come amans, a lover, amator, 'professional lover', often with the accessory notion of lechery, and amica, 'girlfriend' in the English sense, often as well being applied euphemistically to a prostitute. The corresponding noun is amor, which is also used in the plural form to indicate 'love affairs' or 'sexual adventures'. This same root also produces amicus, 'friend', and amicitia, 'friendship' (often based on mutual advantage, and corresponding sometimes more closely to 'indebtedness' or 'influence'). Cicero wrote a treatise called On Friendship (de Amicitia) which discusses the notion at some length. Ovid wrote a guide to dating called Ars Amatoria (The Art of Lovers), which addresses in depth everything from extramarital affairs to overprotective parents.
Complicating the picture somewhat, Latin sometimes uses amare where English would simply say to like; this notion, however, is much more generally expressed in Latin by placere or delectare, which are used more colloquially, and the latter of which is used frequently in the love poetry of Catullus.
Diligere often has the notion 'to be affectionate for', 'to esteem', and rarely if ever is used of romantic love. This word would be appropriate to describe the friendship of two men. The corresponding noun diligentia, however, has the meaning 'diligence' 'carefulness' and has little semantic overlap with the verb.
Observare is a synonym for 'diligere'; despite the cognate with English, this verb and its corresponding noun 'observantia' often denote 'esteem' or 'affection'.
Caritas is used in Latin translations of the Christian Bible to mean 'charitable love'. This meaning, however, is not found in Classical pagan Roman literature. As it arises from a conflation with a Greek word, there is no corresponding verb.
Religious views
Christian
The Christian understanding is that love comes from God. The love of man and woman, eros in Greek, and the unselfish love of others, agape, are often contrasted as 'ascending' and 'descending' love, respectively, but are ultimately the same thing. [9]
There are several Greek words for Love that are regularly referred to in Christian circles.
* Agape - In the New Testament, agapē is charitable, selfless, altruistic, and unconditional. It is parental love seen as creating goodness in the world, it is the way God is seen to love humanity, and it is seen as the kind of love that Christians aspire to have for one another.
* Phileo - Also used in the New Testament, Phileo is a human response to something that is found to be delightful. Also known as "brotherly love".
* Two other words for love in the Greek language -- Eros (sexual love) and storge (needy child-to-parent love) were never used in the New Testament.
Christians believe that to love God with all your heart, mind, and strength and Love your neighbor as yourself are the two most important things in life (the greatest commandment of the Jewish Torah, according to Jesus - c.f. Gospel of Mark chapter 12, verses 28-34). Saint Augustine summarized this when he wrote "Love God, and do as thou wilt".
Saint Paul glorified love as the most important virtue of all. Describing love in the famous poem in 1 Corinthians he wrote, "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres." - 1 Cor. 13:4-7 (NIV)
Saint John wrote "Dear friends, let us love one another for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love." - 1 John 4:7-8 (NIV)
Saint Augustine says that one must be able to decipher the difference between love and lust. Lust, according to Saint Augustine is an over indulgence, but to love and be loved is what he has sought for his entire life. He even says, “I was in love with love.” Finally, he does fall in love and is loved back, by God. Saint Augustine says the only one who can love you truly and fully is God, because love with a human only allows for flaws such as, “jealousy, suspicion, fear, anger, and contention.” According to Saint Augustine to love God is “to attain the peace which is yours.” (Saint Augustine Confessions)
John the Apostle wrote, "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but the save the world through him." (NIV John 3:16-18)
Christian theologians see God as the source of love, which is mirrored in humans and their own loving relationships.
C.S. Lewis , influential Christian theologian wrote a book called The Four Loves.
Buddhist
In Buddhism, Kāma is sensuous, sexual love. It is an obstacle on the path to enlightenment, since it is selfish.
Karuṇā is compassion and mercy, which reduces the suffering of others. It is complementary to wisdom, and is necessary for enlightenment.
Adveṣa and maitrī are benevolent love. This love is unconditional and requires considerable self-acceptance. This is quite different from the ordinary love, which is usually about attachment and sex, which rarely occur without self-interest. Instead, in Buddhism it refers to detachment and unselfish interest in others' welfare.
The Bodhisattva ideal in Tibetan Buddhism involves the complete renunciation of oneself in order to take on the burden of a suffering world. The strongest motivation one has in order to take the path of the Bodhisattva is the idea of salvation within unselfish love for others.
Hindu
In Hinduism kāma is pleasurable, sexual love, personified by the god Kama. For many Hindu schools it is the third end in life (artha).
In contrast to kāma, prema or prem refers to elevated love. However, the term bhakti is used to mean the higher, divine love.
Karuna is compassion and mercy, which reduces the suffering of others.
Bhakti is a Sanskrit term from Hinduism meaning 'loving devotion to the supreme God'. A person who practices bhakti is called bhakta. Hindu writers, theologians, and philosophers have distinguished nine forms of devotion that they call bhakti, for example in the Bhagavatha-Purana and according to Tulsidas. The philosophical work Narada Bhakti Sutras written by an unknown author (presumed to be Narada) distinguishes eleven forms of love.
Islamic
In a sense, love does encompass the Islamic view of life as universal brotherhood which applies to all who hold the faith. There are no direct references stating that God is love, but amongst the 99 names of God (Allah), there is the name Al-Wadud or 'the Loving One', which is found in Surah 11:90 as well as Surah 85:14. It refers to God as being "full of loving kindness". In Islam, love is more often than not used as an incentive for sinners to aspire to be as worthy of God's love as they may. One still has God's love, but how the person evaluates his own worth is to his own and God's own counsel. All who hold the faith have God's love, but to what degree or effort he has pleased God depends on the individual itself.
Ishq, or divine love, is the emphasis of Sufism. Sufis believe that love is a projection of the essence of God to the universe. God desires to recognize beauty, and as if one looks at a mirror to see oneself, God "looks" at itself within the dynamics of nature. Since everything is a reflection of God, the school of Sufism practices to see the beauty inside the apparently ugly. Sufism is often referred to as the religion of Love. God in Sufism is referred to in three main terms which are the Lover, Loved, and Beloved with the last of these terms being often seen in Sufi poetry. A common viewpoint of Sufism is that through Love humankind can get back to its inherent purity and grace. The saints of Sufism are infamous for being "drunk" due to their Love of God hence the constant reference to wine in Sufi poetry and music.
Jewish
In Hebrew Ahava is the most commonly-used term for both interpersonal love and love of God. Other related but dissimilar terms are Chen (grace) and Hesed, which basically combines the meaning of "affection" and "compassion" and is sometimes rendered in English as "loving-kindness".
Judaism employs a wide definition of love, both between people and between man and the Deity. As for the former, the Torah states: "Love your neighbor like yourself" (Leviticus 19:18). As for the latter, one is commanded to love God "with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your might" (Deuteronomy 6:5), taken by the Mishnah (a central text of the Jewish oral law) to refer to good deeds, willingness to sacrifice one's life rather than commit certain serious transgressions, willingness to sacrifice all one's possessions and being grateful to the Lord despite adversity (tractate Berachoth 9:5). Rabbinic literature differs how this love can be developed, e.g. by contemplating Divine deeds or witnessing the marvels of nature.
As for love between marital partners, this is deemed an essential ingredient to life: "See life with the wife you love" (Ecclesiastes 9:9). The Biblical book Song of Songs is considered a romantically-phrased metaphor of love between God and his people, but in its plain reading reads like a love song.
The 20th century Rabbi Eliyahu Eliezer Dessler is frequently quoted as defining love from the Jewish point-of-view as "giving without expecting to take" (from his Michtav me-Eliyahu, vol. 1). Romantic love per se has few echoes in Jewish literature, although the Medieval Rabbi Judah Halevi wrote romantic poetry in Arabic in his younger years (he appears to have regretted this later).
Mythological
Different cultures have deified love, typically in both male and female form. Here is a list of the gods and goddesses of love in different mythologies.
* Green Tara; identifies with maternal love and compassion in Buddhism
* Shri Devi; a wrathful image that identifies with maternal love and compassion in Buddhism. Represents the condition of a mother's inner feelings as she sees her child in suffering and in delusion that leads to the suffering
* Áine; goddess of fertility and passionate love in Irish mythology
* Amor or Cupid — god of passionate love in Roman mythology
* Aonghus or Aengus; god of beauty, youth, and sensual love in Irish mythology
* Aphrodite — goddess of beauty and passionate love in Greek mythology
* Eros — god of passionate love in Greek mythology
* Freya — goddess in Norse mythology
* Kama — god of sensual love in Hindu mythology
* Rati — goddess of passionate love in Hindu mythology
* Radha — goddess of ideal divine love in Hindu mythology
* Lakshmi — goddess of love and fortune in Hindu mythology
* Venus — goddess of beauty and passionate love in Roman mythology
* Xochipilli — god in Aztec mythology
How to Love
Love is a strange thing. It can be the most amazing feeling in the world, or it can really hurt, but in the end love is something most, if not all of us, will face. While there are many different ways to define love and there are many different ways to love someone (even yourself), here is a general guide to loving. Love is the continual act of unconditionally putting the needs of others before your own.
Steps
1. Say it. When you say the words "I Love You," do they carry it with them the desire to show someone you love them or do they carry it with them is it what you want to feel? And when you say it make sure you really mean it and are willing to do anything for that special person.
2. Empathize. Put yourself in someone else's shoes. Rather than impose your own expectations or attempt to control them, try to understand how they feel, where they come from, and who they are; and realize how they could also love you back just as well.
3. Love unconditionally. If you cannot love another person without attaching stipulations, then it is not love at all, but deep-seated opportunism (one who makes the most of an advantage, often unmindful of others). If your interest is not in the other person as such, but rather in how that person can enhance your experience of life, then it is not unconditional. If you have no intention of improving that person’s life, of allowing that person to be themselves and accepting them as they are, and not who you want them to be, then you are not striving to love them unconditionally.
4. Expect nothing in return. That doesn't mean you should allow someone to mistreat or undervalue you. It means that giving love does not guarantee receiving love. Try loving just for loving's sake. Realize that someone may have a different way of showing his or her love for you; do not expect to be loved back in exactly the same way.
5. Realize it can be lost. If you realize that you can lose the one you love, then you have a greater appreciation of what you have. Think how lucky you are to have someone to love.
Tips
* It does not make you a bad person to desire someone else's love, even if they do not love you. However, to truly love someone, you must let them be free. It is selfish to blame them for your feelings.
* There are many types of love, for example: a mother-son love is different from a best friend's love, which is different from a romantic love. Don't be ashamed to tell anyone that you love your friends as much as you love anyone else in your life.
* You have to find someone that will suit you, someone you feel comfortable with - not just someone to make love to.
* As a word, love can be found worldwide and is often used to describe compassion and/or emotional attachment. Accepting those you love for who they are is part of love. You also need to learn to accept yourself before you can accept another. If you cannot love your self, how are you to love another?
* Love genuinely. Do not compare your feelings now to what your feelings were when you were with another mate. At times, we can experience rejection.
* Realize that love is a feeling that someone can describe and attempt to assist, but ultimately, you are the one who must take action in order to discover love.
* Do things that make the other person feel good, but do not smother them with gifts and attention.
* Consider some tips about what people in love do.
o People in love are sensitive to each other's needs, and endeavor to meet them even when they do not feel like doing it.
o Men and women may be equal in value but different by nature. People who truly are in love give their mates "space" to develop their potential and find their fulfillment in life.
o Love does not brag. People who are truly in love refrain from rehearsing their good traits just to show off. Bragging in a relationship often is really defensiveness.
o People who are truly in love do not insist that their way is best and demand that their mates give in to them.
o People who are truly in love are considerate of each others feelings and courteous in their actions toward one another. Sadly sarcasm is a way of life for some couples. They ridicule each other, belittle each other and trade jibes with a fury. They may say it is all in fun, but it leaves wounds that will someday become festering sores.
o People who are truly in love look out for their mates' best interests as much as their own. Those in love should be concerned not only about their own individual interests, but about the interests of the other as well.
o People who truly love control their anger when the other displeases them. We are all human, and all humans feel anger periodically, but we only express our anger in destructive ways when we counting on someone else to meet our needs.
o People who truly love each other do not take pleasure in their mates' disappointments or failures.
o People who truly love each other treat their mates with absolute trust. Some husbands and wives torment themselves with groundless suspicions. If you look for trouble you will find it every time.
o People who truly love look forward to their relationship growing more meaningful and precious. They have hope. Which is an attitude that happily anticipates the good. It isn't being blind and denies there are problems, but it does look beyond the problems. People who truly love each other do not allow their problems to rob them of their happiness.
Warnings
* You must love yourself before you can love another.
* There is always the risk of getting hurt, but that's part of letting yourself fully love and trust some one. Being hurt could be long-lasting and could hurt more than anything in the world.
* Realize what you have while you have it, and care for the person you trust.
* If something comes to an end, try to let go rather than holding on; it's for the best.
* The idea of love is fueled by childhood fantasies. The love shown in movies, as obtainable as it may be, is rare to say the least.
* You just may find your soul-mate sooner than you want to.
* If you feel any doubt of love your partner has for you, it is probably true. when you give and receive love 100%, you will have no doubt in your heart.
* Don't ask for love - you should receive love because your partner wants to give you love - not because you want it from your partner.
* Do not force love - it will come in good time, it will come.
How to Define Love
“How on earth are you ever going to explain in terms of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomenon as first love?”
— Albert Einstein
Love is difficult to define. How do you avoid confusing it with infatuation or lust? Philosophers and psychologists both have attempted to define love, or at least its difference from infatuation and lust. If you are looking to find love, the following observations may be helpful.
Steps
1. The dictionary defines love in the ways we use the word. For example love is:
* A strong positive emotion of. affection or pleasure. e.g. "His love for his work." or "I love cooking."
* Any object of warm affection or devotion or liking; "the theater was her first love". I love French food.
* Beloved: a beloved person; used as terms of endearment
* A deep feeling of sexual desire and attraction. e.g. "She was his first love" or "She loves her husband."
* A score of zero in tennis or squash; "It was 40 love!"
* Sexual love: sexual intercourse between two people. e.g. "They made love." "He hadn't had any love in months";
2. Love is characterized by the desire to do anything for that person no matter what. And you're willing to work out your problems together. And you just can't hardly breathe when your around them and even though you may see them all the time or hardly ever its as if you get that rush of what you felt when you got your first kiss #The Greeks defined love in four categories:
* AGAPE love is unconditional love. It is love by "CHOICE". A good example is "GOD LOVES US"
* PHI LEO love is the love of "ATTRACTION" guided by our likes or our healthy or unhealthy needs and desires.
* STORGE is a physical show of "AFFECTION" the need for physical touch.
* EROS is the physical "SEXUAL" desire, intercourse.
3. Define love, what does it mean to you? Be bold and write down the feelings and thoughts you have about love.
4. Be aware of moments you feel love towards anyone or anything.
5. Consider your motives, what are you getting from the situation.
6. Think about whether you'd feel the same way if the other person's looks were to change.
7. Capture that feeling with metaphors, poetry or songs.
8. Define love like a psychologist: love can be viewed triangularly. There are three key components: passion, intimacy, and commitment.
* Passion underlies physical desire, sexual behavior, and arousal. This is the physical side.
* Intimacy is the emotional aspect: closeness, connectedness, and warmth of friendship.
* Commitment is the decision-making part "CHOICE" of love; are couples willing to work it out?
9. Understand that love may start as harmless flirting and smiles and winks and maybe even kissing, but it is usually infatuation at this point, a more curious approach by one or both parties. While time is usually spent looking to discover more about this intriguing person, much time will be spent pondering the many possibilities of what could happen, or the consequences that may become of a certain action, or on the other hand the good that may come of it.
10. Understand that most often to the person in love there will be little left of interest in the real world, food will taste bland, concentrating will have become a serious mental struggle and even fun pastimes may seem worthless, as pacing and walking or even simply sitting or lying while thinking about the person seems a more sensible thing to do.
* This type of behavior can lead to serious disturbances at work and at home, especially if the person feeling love is already an item with somebody else with whom they may have shared these feelings at some time in the past.
11. Note that although love has never been scientifically proven to exist, it is thought; quite accurately as of yet that one can only be in love with one person or thing at a time. The part of the human being that is reserved for sharing with another (which some may call the soul, or the heart) is used up while dedicating itself to that one source, and that it is impossible to feel the overwhelming feeling twice at once.
* Although similar, love is thought not to be like pain which has definite locations; it is thought that it can move around, although usually it will reside in the lower stomach or the bottom of the throat, with sensitive areas like the temples and the legs and joints feeling stressed and weak. The mouth is often dry and the eyes seem strained, and this is all usually given the diagnosis of love sickness; or in some cases where love isn't present; influenza.
12. Understand that time does seem to be the only healer in the case of love. The full connection of two loving parties (mutually) could lead to a stronger relationship, and developments such as procreation and marriage; but in the case of a single party or the rejection of the first party by the second, or even in the case of a secret love, being in love will usually only fade after the interest is out of sight and out of mind, or gives full closure to the pursuer.
13. Realize that in some cases (especially in literature) love will last forever. No matter how much time passes by, or what obstacles become present in the path to true and pure love, love will endure. This may be far fetched from reality, but many find it to be a preferable way to think.
* Although this may be a much more joyous belief to have of love, there are also those situations where love does fail. This can be easily said to have been due to false love of mistaken identity between persons (as lovers are star crossed and are meant to find each other). Either way, the difference between feeling love and not feeling it is a distinct one, and cannot be mistaken. It is a true sickness that is present and can be more crippling than the flu, depression and many other illnesses combined.
* Love can cause war; in the cases of love of religion and the love of money; war can cause people to steal and murder, it can lead to suicide and shatter marriage and family life, it can spread disease and give birth to evil; but love is eternal and cannot be eliminated, it is what makes people human. "I think therefore I am" may also be translated as "I love therefore I am". Being able to think give us the ability to choose our partners not because of their breed or simple survival of the fittest, but in order for us to develop as human beings, and to share our love and spread it on to new generations, so that while love lasts eternally, our mark upon humanity lasts forever through our children and children's children; we have made our mark upon humanity; our genetic code will continue to be passed on and develop for ever more. This possibility is a gift, not a dedication, we have to choose as we were born with conscientiousness, not animal instinct.
Tips
* There are many combinations, all of which form some kind of love. Is there passion and friendship but very little commitment? This is defined as "passionate love." Are you committed but feel no passion or friendship? This is called "empty love." What most people ultimately desire, is "TRUE LOVE" the total package: passion, intimacy, friendship and commitment in one healthy relationship. It's the most fulfilling love. It is unconditional, and in my opinion the only "CHOICE".
* For inspiration, read Elizabeth Barrett Browning's famous poem, "How Do I Love Thee?"
* For additional inspiration, you might want to consider this Shakespeare quotation: "Love is not love/Which alters when it alteration finds" (Sonnet 116)
Warnings
* Just because you feel love doesn't mean the other person does!
* People are capable of falling in and out of love so if your "true love" turns out to be abusive or makes you cry more than smile, end it and find a healthy person to love.
* Remember there are levels of love, and true love is a "CHOICE" and just because someone says they love you doesn't mean they love you. Their actions will tell.
* Love is not a feeling. couples who have been married for a considerable amount of time, at least 10 years, can tell you that true love is not a feeling. Feelings tend to come and go; true love shouldn't.
How to Know the Difference Between Love, Infatuation and Lust
While there's no clear, fool-proof way to decipher your feelings for someone, there are certain ways to make the distinction between love, lust and infatuation clearer for yourself.
Steps
1.
Could it be love?
Could it be love?
Write down everything that you associate with the person you're feeling strongly about. Example words on your brainstorm list could include love, butterflies, sex, holding hands, annoying snoring, gorgeous, etc.
2. Circle each attribute with a different color such as red for lust, yellow for infatuation, and green for love.
3. See which of the three feelings dominates the page. If one doesn't stand out (like if the distribution seems pretty equal), move on to the following steps for more insight.
4.
Or is it lust?
Or is it lust?
Read literature on the topic. Questions about love are timeless questions that have consumed mankind throughout the ages and are a major theme in many scriptures, tales from mythology, and literature. Read the story of David and Bathsheba from the Old Testament, 1st Corinthians from the New Testament, the story of Ali and Fatima, Echo and Narcissus, or Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet.
5. Ask your friends or, if you find it easier, ask a complete and utter stranger, so that you get an honest opinion and an outsider's point of view. Tell that person how you feel, and ask them if it sounds primarily like love, infatuation, or lust.
6. Watch a movie that relates to your situation like "Cruel Intentions" (which is about lust, and wanting what you can't have), "Down to You" (which is about love and leaving it all down to the other person), "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days" (which is about none of them really but it's about making a mistake and putting it right), "The Notebook," which tells a tale of life-long love and commitment, "The Phantom of the Opera" (which is about both lust and infatuation) and definitely, "Titanic" (which is about holding on to someone forever until you die - that is love - bittersweet love), also, perhaps, "The Fly" (which is about a woman who falls in love with a man who turns into a fly and then goes insane, and yet remains deeply emotionally attached through this agonizing life change - which is love) or High Fidelity (which is about learning what love really is). Yet understand, that movies are fiction that depict idealized rather than realistic love.
Tips
* Keep in mind that in most relationships, you're feeling all three (love, infatuation, and lust) all at once, to some degree.
* To help you make tough decisions about your relationship, ask someone you trust who has lots of experience with the kind of relationship you want for yourself. For example: Say you want to be happily married to one person for life. If your parents have both been bitterly divorced three times, then they are probably not the ones to talk to. On the other hand, if they are about to celebrate their 50th anniversary of bliss together, then they may be ideal to learn from.
* Lasting relationships are those that are built on love - not infatuation or lust. Imagine the person you love in 50 years when they are old and fat. Would that change how you feel about them? If yes, then what you feel now is most likely lust/infatuation - not love.
* Friendship should also weigh into your decision to commit. In 50 years, if you don't genuinely LIKE your mate, you're going to be miserable.
* Remember that jealousy is not a result of love. It is more likely to be a result of infatuation, insecurity or fear of being alone. Are you in love with being in relationships?
* A major life-changing decision like moving in together, getting engaged or getting married should be a natural step if you love someone. It should not inspire fear.
* Take advantage of the post coital "moment of clarity" to examine your feelings. This is not usually the moment directly after orgasm (where most people are happy with the universe), but 5 or 10 minutes later, when your breathing and heart rate are normal. At this point, does the sex still make you feel closer to that person? Or are you beginning to feel regret and anxiety about what happened? If the latter, then it's most definitely not love but lust.
* Give it time. Love takes root slowly and grows with time. Infatuation grows into full bloom almost immediately.
* Keep in mind that "True love is neither physical, nor romantic. True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be and will not be." (Unknown)
* What comes to mind when you think about this person. If you are not dating the person, think if you are eager to spend time with them or you just want to watch them from a distance. If you are in a relationship with the person, What do you want most out of the relationship. If you just want to consummate love to the person it is usually lust. True love is when you could love a person without ever "dropping your drawers" so to speak.
Warnings
* If you're not sure about your feelings or your relationship, take things slowly. Spend time apart and see how you are feeling while you are away. Do you miss the person? Or are you more attracted to others when you are apart?
* You may also want to consider the fact that it's not always as easy as being one of these three things; often there are a lot of grey areas, the distinctions are blurred, and it is very possible to feel two or even all of these feelings for a person.
How to Tame a Free Spirit
Have you met someone who's fiercely independent, and yearn for their devotion? The key to taming a wild soul is to make him or her feel like they can be freer with you than with anybody else. Here's how to have that free spirit eating out of your hand, willingly and happily.
Steps
1. Get your priorities straight. What do you want most of the relationship? Think about what your top three expectations are: Commitment? Respect? Honesty? Affection? Companionship? Passion? Security? A free spirit is not the kind to twist and turn to meet your every need. You'll have to make it simple for them by coming to an understanding of what you want most out of a relationship and asking for that, and nothing else.
2. Don't sweat the small stuff. Things like punctuality, precautions, and any other kind of minor limit or inhibition will be of no concern to an independent mind. They like to flow through life, following their whims - and this often makes them extremely creative and fascinating individuals, which is what probably attracted you to them in the first place. By imposing dams, as little as they may be, you could very well suffocate the qualities that make this person desirable to you, if you don't manage to scare them off first.
3. Choose your battles wisely. Don't nitpick. If they're 15 minutes late and you end up missing a movie, roll with the punches and see the next one. But if they're 45 minutes late to pick you up in the middle of the night in a bad neighborhood, that's serious. In general, if it doesn't directly threaten the priorities you established in Step 1, then let it go and just enjoy the ride.
4. Avoid setting rules. Restrictions are like chains, and will send this wild horse running towards the horizon. Instead of saying, "Don't ever cheat on me," say "You'd be a complete idiot to risk losing such an awesome person like me just so you could get a little extra on the side. Just call me."
5. Get to know the person inside out. Study their tendencies, their quirks, their deepest desires, and their worst fears. Always be accepting and open-minded. Knowledge is power. The better you know this person, the less you'll feel the need to control them. Moreover, he or she will sense this and feel like you're the only person who truly knows them and thus, the only person they can be their uninhibited selves around. To a free spirit, this is the jackpot.
6. Give them the benefit of the doubt. A person who values his or her independence will truly test your ability to trust. You need to determine early on whether or not you trust this person, and then trust them completely. Sure, you might get burned, but you also might capture the heart of a person that no one else could touch.
7. Get in touch with your own free spirit. Don't sit at home, wondering what he or she is doing, or when they're going to call. Get in your car and take a road trip. Visit an old friend. Watch a new movie. Taste a different kind of food. Your free spirit will respect you for it, and feel a sense of kinship with you when you both get home and recount your adventures.
8. Appreciate their free-spiritedness. It takes strong character these days to march to the beat of your own drum. As long as you remember that independence is something to be appreciated, not just tolerated, you'll be giving a free spirit exactly the kind of nourishment that it needs.
Tips
* If you want something, let it go, and if it's meant to be, he or she will return out of their own free choosing, not because they feel obligated. Sometimes a free spirit needs to prove to itself that it can still fly before it settles down in one place.
* Don't try to change him or her. This is a classic mistake, in any kind of relationship, but especially when you're dealing with a rugged individual.
Warnings
* Just because you're inviting a free spirit into your life doesn't mean you need to do dangerous things like practice unsafe sex, ride a motorcycle in inclement weather, etc. Not every free spirit is trustworthy, and some just simply aren't worth taming.
* If you seriously think you can "tame" a free spirit, think again. What you want to do is not tame it, but have it close to you. Think of it as changing your location (bringing yourself out into the wild) than theirs. (bringing them indoors.)
* The only way to truly love someone is to realise that they can be lost, so be prepared to lose that person, if they truly are free-spirited they may not be up to a long term relationship.
* Remember that sometimes, people dont want to be/or arent meant to be tamed. Trying to tame someone may actually make a situation more awkward and difficult for both parties.
How to Write a Love Letter
We feel good when we make the people we love feel happy. The person you love, who loves you in return, wants to know what he or she does that makes you happy and wants you to describe those things in your own words.
Steps
1. Think of a time when you felt particularly moved by seeing your loved one. Recall the emotional and physical feelings you experienced in that moment.
2. Write a description of that moment including details about your feelings at the time, starting with a phrase such as, "I remember when…"
3. Recall two or three other experiences when you were moved by your loved one's words or actions. Add recollections of these experiences to your letter in the same way you wrote about the first one.
Tips
* Describe your experiences using your own words, without forcing yourself to be fancy.
* Exclude clichés from your letter.
* Exclude rhyming poetry
* Write two or three drafts until the letter sounds pleasing.
* Write your own, original words, not something you've read or heard. The most important thing of all.
* If you do quote something make sure to give credit for it.
* Read it out loud! Just because it makes sense on paper doesn't mean it will make sense when spoken.
* Try to Learn Calligraphy. If you think that's hard, it's not. Go to an art supply store, and get a pen, a fine nib, a thicker nib if you like, and a bottle of ink, then go slow and carefully when you write. This not only lets you think more about what you say, it also looks far more impressive.
* Do not use a sentence like "you are hot" or "I like you a lot" or something like that, it might make them a little uneasy.
* Do not explicitly refer to parts of the anatomy. This could be a turn-off. Don't use flippant language either. (Example: badunkadunks.)
* Cheesy can be okay, but be sure not to overdue it. Make it sweet, heartfelt, and true.
* Don't lie to impress. Example: Don't say "I love the way you flip your hair" to impress her/him, when thats not true. Honesty is the best policy.
Warnings
* Be prepared to receive a hug and a kiss after your loved one reads your letter.
* But hey, face it, not everyone is in to you. Don't write a love letter unless you're sure the guy/girl is into you. Writing something as heartfelt as a love letter may be too much for some people. Be prepared for a letdown, but don't absolutely expect it.
* Keep it simple, but hearfelt.
* Don't focus on yourself. This can be a major turnoff.
How to Become Inspired to Write Poetry
Writing free verse poetry is a great release of feelings, emotions and thoughts. Writing poetry in rhyme also gives you the ability to release emotions, but is more constricted in that you have to find words that rhyme. Here's how to express yourself in free verse.
Steps
1.
Think about something you feel strongly about. Be in tune with your feelings and allow your emotions to stir within you. You will need these emotions to inspire you.
2. Sit at a computer or wherever you do your best writing and thinking and let the thoughts flow out of your mind, your heart and fingers.
3. Learn it is advised not stop if you feel you are misspelling a word. When your feelings have been released, your poem will, like magic, come to an end. Now is the time you can correct.
4.
Sit back and read what you have written, and make notes on what you want to change or edit. Correct any spelling mistakes made in the first pass-through.
5. Edit, edit, edit!
6. Read what you wrote and read it to others if it is not too personal.
Tips
* Some inspirations can come from any walk of life:
o Look out the window and see the sunset.
o Be glad you are alive.
o Sit in the Mall and observe a mother and a child.
o Think about a lost loved one
o Think about the big piece of cake topped with a big scoop of ice cream that you just pigged out on, after you announced you were on a diet.
* Not all poems have to be happy. Not all poems have to be long. Not all poems have to be short. Some poems can be silly.
* Do not put restrictions on the style you use.
* Save all your poems, no matter what they say or how you feel about them. One day you will look back and see that you have somehow, without knowing it, written the story of your life.
* Safeguard your poetry. Place it into a plastic cover, and store it in a looseleaf binder set aside for just your poetry.
* Relax.
Warnings
* Do not be fooled into thinking that editing isn't important. Good writing doesn't just happen, it must be worked for, and the first draft of a piece is never perfect.
How to Make a Decision Using a Quantitative Scoring System
Life involves making a lot of decisions. In fact, one of the decisions you have to make right now is "Should I finish reading this whitepaper or shouldn't I?"
So why not learn to make the best decision, or at least a good one every time? While making a decision based on your "gut instinct" works often, occasionally, a simple quantitative scoring system can provide additional insights and often help you overcome an emotional decision that you will later be unable to justify logically.
This method will help you quantify your values and make fast decisions between alternatives. It applies to everything from which mortgage professional should I choose to which car should I buy.
Steps
1. Write the question you’re trying to decide, e.g. "Which mortgage professional should I choose?"
2. Write up five to six "must-have qualities:" For example:
1. Integrity (What he/she says is consistent with what he/she does),
2. Professional Knowledge and Expertise (Makes Recommendations consistent with what I value),
3. Quality of Communication (Helps me understand quickly),
4. Accessibility (I can reach them when I need them),
5. Competitive Pricing (Rates and Costs are amongst the best in the marketplace), and
6. Reliability of recommendations (Shows me that live market data is consistent with recommendations so I can make a timely decision to choose them).
3. Rate the importance of each of these qualities on a scale of 1 to 10 in terms of how important each is to you (e.g. if reliability is far more important than anything, it gets a 10, if Competitive Pricing is the second most important but really not nearly as important as reliability you might give it a 5 or 6, and so on).
4. List your options (e.g. Bank Loan Officer, Realtor Referred, my current Loan Broker, etc.).
5. Provide a score on a scale of 1 to 10 for each quality you put down for that option. Do this for all options you put down (e.g. If your current Loan Broker rates high with you, give him/her an 8' if you think they are average, give them a 5). This is a subjective scale, so it’s up to you to score it as honestly as possible to make the best decision by the end of this.
6. Compute scores for each option by multiplying the quality score you gave your option with your target quality score, the one you created in Step 3 (e.g. your Loan Broker is 56: 8 [the importance of Integrity] x 7 [how well you rate them in that area]). Do this for all qualities listed in all your separate options.
7. Sum up the scores for each quality for a total score for that option. Do this separately for all options you listed.
8. Compute your target score by creating an option that encompasses the scores for the qualities you most value.
9. Divide each option’s total score by your target score and multiply by 100 to get a total. The option with the highest percentile score (compared to your target) is your best choice.
Sample Calculation
Here is a sample completed for selecting the most compatible romantic partner using the Quantitave Scoring System. Six qualities were scored for the potential suitor on a scale of 1-10.
Example:
My Ideal Loan Professional
Integrity = 10 (10*10=100)
Communication= 9 (9*9=81)
Competitive= 8 (8*8=64)
Accessibility= 6 (6*6=36)
Reliability= 6 (6*6=36)
Expertise= 9 (9*9=81)
Prospective Loan Professional
(Option A)
Integrity= 8 (8*9=72)
Communication= 4 (4*10=40)
Competitive= 7 (7*8=56)
Accessibility= 6 (6*6=36)
Reliability= 6 (6*6=36)
Expertise= 3 (3*9=27)
Current Loan Broker
(Option B)
Integrity= 9 (9*9=81)
Communication= 10 (10*10=100)
Competitive= 9 (9*8=72)
Accessibility= 8 (8*6=48)
Reliability= 6 (6*6=36)
Expertise= 10 (10*9=90)
Target total score:
100+81+64+36+36+81=398
Option A's total score:
72+40+56+36+36+27=267
Percentage this option fits your target:
(267/398) * 100 = 67%
Option B's total score:
81+100+72+48+36+90=427
Percentage this option fits your target:
(427/398) * 100 = 107%
Option A fits my target quality score at 67% while Option B surpasses my target quality score at 107%.
Tips
* If you get a best choice that really surprises you or doesn’t feel right, consider re-scoring your qualities and ratings; perhaps you didn’t really list what was important to you, or give it the right weight. This process helps you quantify and understand your feelings regarding your options.
* If all the options score poorly (below 70%), then something has to change before an acceptable decision can be made! In such a case, your current options do not adequately meet your standards, which means either that you need better options or that your expectations are not realistic.
* If you use an Excel spreadsheet to carry on the calculations, rankings, narrative explanations of your reasoning, etc., it becomes very easy to use the same template, revised by exception, to guide all your future decisions.
* The same system may be modified to allow the offset for negative qualities by multiplying by a negative one to allow for negative effects on the overall scoring.
* If you have more than six qualities, the value of the score can get diluted, so think hard about what really matters to you. Leave the nice-to-have qualities aside, or you might get distracted and make a decision based on unimportant factors. Make sure the qualities are non-overlapping otherwise you essentially double-count the same underlying attribute.
Warnings
* This method is addictive, and you may find yourself applying it to potential marriage partners; be kind and don't.
* Emotions can "rationalize" any quantitative to represent our desired choices in the best "light," therefore care must be taken to ensure that qualities are judged objectively.
* This approach is deceptively simple. It assumes that your criteria are independent of each other and add up in a simple way (are linear). Unfortunately, many things in life are non-linear and far more complex than this. Beware over-simplification. Trust your gut feelings!
How to Write a Love Poem
For the cash-strapped, or romantically inclined, writing a sincere, well thought out love poem may be just the ticket to your loved one's heart. It is easy to express your true feelings and thoughts in free-verse or rhyme. You don't need to be a Shelley or Browning to write a great poem. All it takes is sincerity, effort, a loving feeling and something to write with.
Steps
1. Write a page of standard prose, as fast as you can, about how you felt the first time you saw your loved one, how you felt the first time you knew you were in love, and how you feel right now about being together. These three moments in time will create the structure of your poem.
2. Replace any weak verbs with stronger verbs and any pronouns with proper nouns. Words depicting the 5 senses work well for love poems.
3. Reread your passage and pick a metaphor to tie the three moments together. Choosing a metaphor is the most fun part so be wild with it. An opening flower is a tried and true metaphor for love, but a cloud that looks like a heart might work even better.
4. Rewrite your passage using the metaphor to describe the three moments.
5. Read your page aloud, change things that sounds "off" to you. Make notes where you feel there's a pause in the flow.
6. Write the poem, putting a line breaks where you made the notes.
7. Whether you type or write the poem consider framing your poem. Your loved one may want to keep the poem as a memento!
8. Read the poem aloud to the person you love, or present it as a gift to them.
Tips
* Who knows--you may just write the "Greatest Poem Ever". Just remember your poem is for the one you love. So make it personal and sensual.
* Think about your 'love', how you feel when you are together or apart, what you miss most when you're apart, how you feel when you reunite. Write your thoughts and feelings. Poetry comes from your heart and your thoughts will create a love poem based on your--feelings.
* There's no need to be intimidated by rhyme schemes. Remember, poetry doesn't have to rhyme. Former Poets Laureate Robert Pinsky and Louise Gluck and current Poet Laureate Ted Kooser all write poetry that does not rhyme.
* The best writing advice is simple: omit needless words. One strong verb steamrolls any three weak ones.
* Poetry and almost all artful prose is about how the words reveal your feelings. Read your writings aloud to yourself to feel what your words are saying. If they stir emotion in you, they will for the person you love.
* Make it personal. If your love is named Kim or Vern try to use it. Don't use cliches', find something unique or special in your relationship and write about that. Your poem should be a reflection of the love you both share.
* One useful tip for any kind of poem is to "write it twice: first with the heart, then with your brain". Express your feelings without sounding corny.
* Read poems for ideas but "Do not copy them" it will get you nothing, and your loved one may find out.
* It's FINE to quote an existing poem. Just include the original author's name and say something like, "I thought of you when I read this."
* Some people are more poetic than others when it comes to expressing emotions, don't give yourself a report card, your poem doesn't need to be perfect just yours. A short, simple, romantic phrase or rhyme from your heart can be put in with a small gift to give your loved one. E.G. "I hope this gift will let you see ...how much my love you mean to me...
* A poem that can be written in prose isn't a poem, so don't follow the method of writing a huge block of prose, cleaning it up, and then cutting it arbitrarily into lines. Learn to write real poetry in meter--that will show your lover real dedication and effort.
* Recognize that this is only ONE way of writing a poem. Google "love poem" for a million others. The issue here is not how good a poem it is, it's how much emotion it evokes in your partner. You don't have to stick to the night you met. Try other powerful moments, for example the evening you two walked together just before the birth of your first child, the time you two got caught in the rain, clutching his/her hand on the roller coaster, etc. etc.
* If you want to rhyme, there are great rhyming dictionaries on the internet. Try to stay away from one syllable words and try making every other line rhyme.
* Golden Rule: If you are sincere, your partner will LOVE it. Guaranteed.
Warnings
* Do not talk about raw sex in your poem.
* You don't have to ignore sex either. Look at the work of e e cummings for example. Sex is a part of many romantic relationships and is as raw or refined as the partners themselves, e.g. Jose Nunez "Bilingual"
How to Find Your Soulmate
A soulmate is that special person, who thinks like you, feels about things as you do, and just understands you. You each are special to each other, and can sense each others pain or happiness. Each one is more complete as a person with the other. There is a chemistry between you, that makes each day, a happier one because the other is there with you. Holding hands with each other makes you feel warm and content and complete as a person.
Steps
1. Meet and talk to them. Share thoughts about many things, and listen to see how they react and appear.
2. Find out if you both enjoy the same or similar activities, and discuss your thoughts about them.
3. Sense the physical as well as the mental connection between you. Listen to each other, and hold hands when walking in the mall, or the store, or in the park.If you feel that you really connect without any effort, then you have found your soulmate.
4. Remember, a true soulmate can sense your pain before you do, they can sense your thoughts, feelings, and seem to be a part of you, and you have to wonder, how you ever faced each day without them.
Tips
* Do not confuse physical chemistry between both of you, as being a soulmate. While one can be the other, the chances are if you only feel a physical attraction, and no mental connection, they are not soulmates.
* Finding a true soulmate does not happen all the time. The connection is so special and so endearing, that you will know when it does.
* Don't look for qualities in a soulmate that will 'complete' you. No one else should be able to complete you, you are you by yourself. What they do instead is add to your life, and make it richer and fuller, more than anything else.
* When you find your soulmate, try not to freakout. Its supposed to be!
How to Write a Meaningful Poem
How do you write a meaningful and emotional poem that requires countless amounts of enthusiasm? Read on..
Steps
1. Collect a piece of lined paper and a comfortable pencil (just in case you need to rub anything out).
2. Structure your poem by deciding on how many lines you will have in each verse and also how long your text will be.
3. Begin to remember a particular feeling you encountered recently that you want to apply to your poem.Now think of this feeling as much as possible.
4. Commence your poem by subtly using this emotion with descriptive phrases and words.
5. As the poem lengthens increase the power of the emotion with more stronger words and sentence structure.
6. Conclude the poem with a cliff hanger suspense which will make the reader feel the emotion you were writing about.
Tips
* Think about why you are writing a poem. What will make it meaningful for you? Do you want to express a feeling you are having? Do you want to write something that will make your friend or loved one feel happy? Do you want to describe something interesting you did or saw? Who would you like to read this?
* If you have writer's block, try doing something you wouldn't usually do, or going somewhere you wouldn't ordinarily go. Then you can use this as a topic for the poem.
* You may find a place you particularly like to write. Perhaps you feel especially inspired on a bench in the local park, on the subway train, at your desk, in a room in your local library...
* Read lots and lots of poems! If you read many poems, it will feel natural to you to start writing.
* Your poem doesn't have to make sense, this sometimes increase the quality of the text and makes it more professional!
* Make sure it is not to long and not to short so that the reader enjoys the length standard.
Things You'll Need
* Paper
* Pencil
* Rubber
* Good imagination
How to Maintain Romance
There is so much more involved in keeping romance alive than just candles, bubble baths, and foot massages. You each have to work at it in order to maintain and enjoy romance in your life. Here is how to feed the romantic fires in your relationship in a deep and meaningful way.
Steps
1. Tell the truth. Truth is the ultimate aphrodisiac and a great way to create connection with your partner. For example, you might say "I feel safe when I am with you" or "Sometimes I feel scared that we get so busy with other things that we forget about creating close moments together, but I really want to be close with you." Just share your true feelings and speak from your experience. If you are concealing in your relationship, you will not feel connected, so consider making truth an ongoing priority in your life.
2. Appreciate yourself and your partner. Appreciation means "to grow in value, or to be sensitively aware of." Take time to understand just what it is that you like about yourself, and your partner. Saying for example, "I am doing a good job as a parent by taking time to hug the kids in the morning before they go off to school." or "I really appreciate how dedicated you are to your job." Successful relationships have a 5 to 1 ratio of appreciations to criticisms, so if you really want to heat up your relationship, start appreciating!
3. Listen. All humans crave being seen and heard. Being with your partner, and really listening to them can be magical for you both. Often, we want to fix their problems, but it is much more powerful to listen. Saying, "Wow, I can understand you are frustrated." or "That must have been hard on you." Let your partner know you're hearing them.
4. Create romance within yourself first. We often try to "get" our partners to be more romantic by believing we need to change them in order to have what we want. The truth is that you are much more likely to have what you want when 'you' show up in that way. For example, create your own romantic mood--dress, put on music, prepare sensuous foods, take some time to love and appreciate yourself. It will not take long for your partner to join in the fun!
5. Ask for what you want. Let your partner know that you are deeply interested in spending some romantic time with them (You would be surprised at how often they are unaware of this.) Whining, demanding, and manipulating are contrary to creating romance, so do your best to ask using kind and loving words.
6. Bring play back into your relationship. Levity is a sexy thing. If you are stuck in thoughts of how much housework you have to do, or that you might wake the kids, more than likely you will not feel romantic. Laugh about the ways that you take your self out of a romantic mood, and soon, you will be back in it.
7. Speak your partner's love language. We often become confused and disappointed by expecting the other person to do such and such romantic things. Do to your partner the things they like as well as you telling them what 'you' like, want, and expect. When you fulfill their needs and desires, you will end up receiving the same in return!
8. Accept each other unconditionally, respect each others wishes and dislikes. Keep the mystery and fascination to each other. Love each moment as if it is the last.
Tips
* Communicate with your partner about what each of you wants in the area of romance, without making the other person feel wrong for their desires. One may want less romance, the other may want more, however by communicating, each can have what they want, it just may not look the way you think it is supposed to. For example, how could you create a romantic evening just for yourself? (This is a really powerful step to creating a life of joy!)
* Portions of this article are based on the works of Drs. Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks
Warnings
* Many couples will subconsciously create an argument just when there is an opportunity for romance. This happens because we have conditioned ourselves to avoid intimate connection. We are afraid of being hurt when we are most open and vulnerable, thus we shut down without even realizing we are doing it. When this happens, take notice, without judging yourself or your partner. Instead try once more to spark a connection by using the steps above.
* Don't try to avoid conflict at all cost. Arguments can provide the solid foundation to a sturdy relationship provided they remain logical and the criticism is constructive rather than hurtful.
* Being sarcastic with the one you love is not romantic or funny, unless both partners realize the mood.
@anonymous
What can I reflect this time of the year? My thoughts flash passed the times of sharing with destitudes, the broken hearted, the inmates who struggled against life bondages and many more who wanted to be reached and especially gifted children who were deprived and hidden away while some got to shine in the recent Shanghai paraOlympics.
We often love others for what they give us e.g. we love our children because they are cute, smart, and high achievers; we love our spouse for the pleasure and contentment they give us; we love our parents because they care for us. This is love, but it is not pure.
When a child is seen as never to achieve worldly success, nor provide the usual source of pride for her parents, all reasons to love the child fall away and what's left is the purest love that there can be because NOT of what they do for us, OR what they will one day be, but simply because they are what they are to remind us what love should be, and that we are to stand in awe of them, and the parents and friends who care for them. On this night I can only thank them all, for giving me a glimpse of what true love really means....that true love has no reason, no, indeed not at all !
one who you truly love,one who is the most suitable for you, most time ,they are not the same one .
happy marriage and successful marriage. Happy marriage is you married who is your true love. As long as live with your lover, you will be happy everytime.
If you expect to the successful marriage, you'd better marry a rich man. Because no money no future. What a reality it is!
@Anonymous
I've gone through all these articles when I searched about valentine's day and about love before writing this article in my blog. And then only I came to know about the history of Valentines day. Any way the comments are superb.
Happy Valentines day...
May I know who this is???
ethu ______ mona ee Anonymous??
avanu swantham peru ittal enta??
devidas
I DON'T WANT TO REVEAL MY NAME ....... SORRY:)
@anonymous
there was no need of writing so huge comments(ctrl+C;ctrl+V)....you could
have provided us with the link (would have been easy for you)....and as far as revealing your name is concerned,
you yourself felt embarrassed after writing this huge chunk..we can understand
oh My God of India.. What's this!!!
Priyappetta Anonymousae.. "Namovaakam".
Better you start a blog, copy-paste all these contents and make it your first post. We all shall visit there and make anon comments.
To be frank, I didnt read your comments completely. Atleast from next time onwards, Try to make your comments short and crisp.
@ Nivil,
"kettathu madhuram, kelkkathathu athi-madhuram" Ennanu sari.. But not as you said...Njan inganeyaanu kettirikkunnathu. Chilappol anganeyum parayumaayirikkam.. I dont know.
@ hailstone.
Who's crazy enough to read thorough all that crap this fellow has written, rather copy-pasted. As raman said he/she could have very well given the link to the article than taking all the trouble.
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